Last night, The Daily Show did one of their pseudo-reports on Christo’s The Gates, a transcription of which is below:

Stewart: Wow, what an exciting 16 days here in New York, with more I’m joined by Daily Show Senior Conceptual Art Correspondent Stephen Colbert, live in Central Park. Stephen, thank you so much for joining us.
Stephen: Yes Jon.
Stewart: It’s clearly dusk there in Central Park. Stephen, whatya think?
Stephen: Simply put, The Gates is a triumph Jon, an artistic milestone that may finally put New York on the cultural map. I don’t want to get ahead of myself here Jon, but I think this may do for the Big Apple what The West Wing has done for Washington DC, or what the band Asia did for that continent.
Stewart: Stephen, I have to say, and again, you know, I can’t help but wonder, what does all this mean?
Stephen: [begins stroking goatee silently]
Stewart: uh, Stephen…Stephen
Stephen: Hold on Jon, that’s a five stroker [continues stroking goatee silently, to the audience’s laughter]. Jon, The Gates is a triumph of contemporary installation art. Each Gate redefining its section of the park as not a public place for private reflection, but a private place for public reflection, juxtaposed with the barrenness of the mid-winter, The Gates posits a chromatic orgy, this riot of colour achieves a rare re-defamilrazation with the nature of place-time, the whatness of our whereness. N0 longer framed …. I’m sorry I’ve run out of crap. [audience applauds]
Stewart: As our conceptual art critic, is this great art?
Stephen: Yes Jon, because like all great art it challenges what we thought we knew about the world. For instance, I used to think 21 million dollars could be used to achieve something noble, like, I don’t know, build a hospital wing. But The Gates has forced me to recontextualize my notion of what 21 million dollars can be used for, in this case, redecorating a bike path.
Stewart: So, you believe that shrouding these walkways in these orange curtains will somehow change our lives in New York?
Stephen: Oh, it’s happening already Jon. Just today I saw an installation artist take a sandwich and … and wrap it in a paper like substance, almost waxy in texture, and he kept wrapping it, and I’m not doing it justice here, he kept wrapping until he visually achieved ‘not-sandwich’, then, this is the genius part Jon, at the last minute he cut it in two, in a final act of ‘re-sandwichment’.
Stewart: So … so you had lunch at a deli?
Stephen: Ok, fine, I was at “a deli”. Ordering “lunch”. That’s how you need to think of it. “Jon”.

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Update (7 March): a reader as submited this link to the clip on the Comedy Central website. Thank you anonymous.